On the gravy train

Well, it's happening. Springtime flowers signalling May showers (is that a real well known phrase or saying or did I just make it up?) or at least a hung parliament. Where does everyone live in these circumstances? Do Clegg, Cameron and Brown get to play scissors paper rock over who gets Number 10, Number 11 and the shed at the bottom of the garden? There is one, it featured (I think, though I would probably fold under questioning if I were extraordinarily rendited and admit I am not totally sure) in a picture in the Food Monthly section of the Observer yesterday, which featured lovely Sarah Brown as a domestic goddess....[rant alert]

Ah, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah, how can you do this? One of the most undignified and frankly insulting leitmotifs of this election (and there are many) is the treatment of women in the publicity strategy of the main parties. We are either a) supportive wives slash partners, b) contributors to some insane thread on mumsnet (just thinking about the ways that this internet site re-creates the horrors of the girls' playground in primary school makes me feel queasy) or c) invisible.

There is no point in talking about the role of women in the British National Party. The UK Independence Party, after running on a ticket which seems to consist solely of let's get rid of the Brussels bureaucrats who swim in champagne flavoured gravy and tell us our home grown bananas are the wrong shade of red, promptly put up their leading light as a member of the European Women's Committee when he gained a seat as a European Member of Parliament, in turn purely so that he could exercise his democratically elected right to pronounce that women's only effective location is within a 2.5 m radius of at least 3 working kitchen appliances. But frankly the Tories and the Labour Party should go and stand in the compost corner of the garden and made to think about how they have sidelined Harman, May, Widdecombe, Corston and colleagues and their extraordinary achievements. No, I am not asking for them to be paraded out purely because they are women, this is 2010. I am in fact asking for them not to be hidden away in some sort of general election purdah, so that all we see of the ovary owning classes is Sarah Brown in a frilly pinny holding a picturesque garden trowel.

Mercifully, on the doorstep, the totally unrepresentative selection of voters I have met seems to be interested in things like the economy, the future of the education system, climate change and the the Iraq war, and has shown every sign of being much more intelligent than any of the party spin doctors gives them credit for. And absolutely no-one so far has mentioned the expenses (except me, just then). The candidate I am doorknocking for is a man of integrity, intelligence, wit and warmth, so unlike some unfortunate lady activists, I don't have to fake enthusiasm. (http://www.paulsmith4bristolwest.org.uk/ )

So, for anyone who isn't sure, here are some ways in which women's lives have been affected by policy changes in the last 12 years: the minimum wage (helped vastly more women than men for the simple and appalling reason that low wages were an affliction affecting vastly more women than men); Sure Start, which particularly helps any parent of any child under 4 in most parts of the country, but especially those with high deprivation, by providing high quality, stigma free parenting help, careers advice, nursery care, health care, advocacy and a route out of isolation; the child care tax credits (if you get them, try to imagine what it was like before they existed); unparallelled improvements to the law and practical assistance available to both women and men experiencing domestic violence; changes in the laws on prostitution particularly protecting the most vulnerable women, those who have been trafficked, but also other prostituted women too; changes in the laws on licensing so-called lap dancing clubs so that they are licensed as sex establishments instead of places of entertainment (which should help us get some of their licenses removed, thus reducing the risk of sexual assault and sexual harassment for the neighbouring residents and those of us on our way home from work), the gender equality duty requiring all public institutions to ensure that their activities all promote and do not unwittingly work against gender equality. (to read some more, follow this link, helpfully provided by a member of the sisterhood, we do have a secret handshake you know: http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.guardian.co.uk%2Fcommentisfree%2F2010%2Fapr%2F18%2Fstudents-pole-dancing-david-mitchell&h=351b0442e6d59688cd02277addfe79b0)

And before anyone says what about men, newsflash: equality works better for men as well as women. Just don't get me started on what passing a law saying that gay people can have one sort of "marriage" but the real sort is still only available to straight people. To me, that still sounds like sexuality based apartheid, though of course I completely understand why some people have nevertheless gone for it. But really, what sensible woman or man could fall for a bribe of £150 per year to get married? Are we really that stupid? Do we really enjoy being insulted that much? I think not.

f you aren't registered to vote in the UK, deal with it TODAY, the closing date for registering is tomorrow, Tuesday 20th April 2010. Whichever way you want to vote (unless it is BNP, in which case what on earth are you doing still reading this blog? I am a brown person you know) please, women died so we could all have one of these pieces of white card. Honour their memory and earn your right to moan for the next four years. Ring your local council and ask for help.

ALL ABOARD FOR THE GRAVY

There have been requests for the onion gravy recipe. Quite coincidentally, Ms Sophie Dahl did bubble and squeak and onion gravy on her Delicious show last week (this is not a plug for the show, I am uneasy about Ms Dahl's relationship to real food, so am not sure where to stand on this politically). This prompted speculation, nay intense and heated discussion in the Bakery about pretty kitchens, comforting food and a flurry of activity at my stove top in my frilly pinny (I can even compete with a TV personality/model with an eating disorder).

The weekend results included: home made chicken stock (which I used in the gravy - but you can use a vegetarian real or powdered alternative, Marigold Swiss Bouillon will be fine); chicken, butternut squash and leek gratin (comfort food par excellence, especially with a vegetarian end and a chicken end of the baking trough); chocolate mousse (see previous blog), fishcakes with poached eggs and then last night's triumph, the classic Bakery Bubble with Onion Gravy. Before I hear the chiming of the smugness bell, let me add that during the week I exist on a diet of toast/marmite, muesli/bananas, echinacea sweets, coffee and chocolate.

I served this at a party with roasted vegetables. No-one went home hungry and satisfaction ratings seem to have been high.

Ingredients:

2 large-ish onions

Tablespoon sunflower oil for frying

Tablespoon cornflour (it really should be cornflour, but if you can't get it, plain will do)

Tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Pint of stock (see below)

Mustard - I used Moutarde de Maille grainy, some would prefer something yellower

Salt and pepper

Method

Chop the onions pretty finely. Heat the oil on medium heat in (preferably) a cast iron frying pan which has been well oiled over many years, but failing that, you can use a medium saucepan - not a non stick one, this prevents sufficient browning. Put the chopped onions in and leave to fry gently but firmly for about 20 minutes, stirring every so often. I did this whilst watching Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop cafe, still a lovely film (better book) and still good material for a training course on domestic violence, and I didn't miss much on my regular kitchen checks.

Meanwhile, get your stock together. This either means: boil kettle, measure out stock powder into jug, pour water onto stock, stir; or poach chicken in large saucepan with big glass of wine, enough water to cover the chicken, two bay leaves, a roughly chopped pair of carrots and pair of leeks, couple of tomatoes, some herbs (parsley, sage, rosemary or thyme), remove chicken when done, take flesh off chicken and place bones back in stock pot and simmer the whole thing for a couple of hours, then leave to stand, skim off fat and strain the doings from the liquid. Taste and season.

When the onions have browned but not burned, remove from the heat and stir in the cornflour. Return it to the heat, stirring constantly for about a minute to make the starch grains burst. If it all looks a bit dry, add a small knob of butter (no more than an extra 25g) and stir vigorously.

Remove pan from heat again and add about a tablespoon of stock, a generous slosh but not too much. Stir vigorously until it is all combined, returning it to the heat momentarily to help this process. Remove from heat again, add about the same again, stir again, return to heat for more stirring. Each time you add more liquid the mixture will look hopelessly runny and lumpy for a little while till you have stirred and the heat has helped the flour and liquid to combine to a thickish (to begin with) and gradually just creamy (as you add more liquid) sauce. You can keep adding more liquid in ever increasing amounts until it is all in there. Now return to the heat on medium and allow it all to come to a bubbling simmer, during which time it should thicken slightly to make a gravy consistency. If it all looks too thin, just let it simmer longer and it will thicken.

You can now add the seasoning. Splash in plenty of Worcestershire sauce or any equivalent of your choice. Last night I also added in some very old but still pokey home made chilli jam (it had crystalised but is still fine when dissolved in a sauce or smeared over a roasting veg). I also added plenty grainy mustard. I kept tasting it (no double dipping with that spoon now, you don't want your guests getting your late Spring cold) and adding more of this seasoning or that until I liked it a lot. Then I let it simmer some more.

Serving suggestion

This goes well with pretty much anything roasted or toasted. Roasted veg or meat good. Bubble and squeak (future Bakery recipe) good. Spread on toasted bread, good. With a poached egg on the bubble and squeak with toasted bread on the side, divine.

Thanks to KW for Amsterdam blossom photos. The primroses are part of a primrose carpet in Weston Big Wood, an ancient and magical wood just outside Portishead in the Gordano valley.

NEXT TIME IN BAKERY WINDOW: more ranting from the doorstep and some food which tastes yummy.